I never stopped
by stayingstrong 2007- 2013
Summary: Silence all we heard were the breathing of hope in air , but it was silent . ... Auslly one shot , check it out please and review tell me what you think about it .


**Hey guys its me , this an Auslly one shot ... 2,674 words guys wow ! I'm proud of myself .. So , I struggled through these past weeks , But I'm okay now .. **

**I bought the book , **_**Fault in our stars**_** , oh my god ... Its amazing I cried ... You guys need to read the book .**

**And finals are coming up to me ... Great .. Not really . **

**So guys I hope you guys enjoy this on shot and please pleassse review . OK bye guys and there will be warnings in to one shot , so be careful **

**If anyone is struggling through somthing , PM ... I will be there for you . and get some help , I struggle through to but , it may not be easy to find the right road , but I promise you **

**It will get better , I promise guys . **

* * *

_Silence all we heard were the breathing of hope in air , but it was silent . How did we get here so fast and how did everything fall apart , how did it get late so soon._

_The beach waves crash like a screaming wailing , I'm holding on the edge ._

_My mind so full of thoughts and the pain in my heart , how can a heart feel so shattered. Take a deep breathe and say a prayer... Sometimes it helps ._

_But all I thought was_

_Jump._

* * *

_" Is this honestly where I have to stand ." _

I look at him , wondering if he will ever like me . I see him talking to Cassidy and her best friends , the popular click .

I don't have anybody ... they have all ... Went away . I walk over to Austin

" hey Austin " , I tell him and Cassidy turns her head toward me with her girls

" ew it's Dawson " , Brooke said while getting look of disgust

" nobody likes you " , Cassidy says and walks away with Austin and the girls . I just stood there for a minute lost in my thoughts .

* * *

I went to the bathroom to meet Cassidy , she gives a glare that's burning in my eyes .

" Ally , if you want Austin to like you , well change yourself , and were talking about your face , your legs , your stomach, and your arms , that's all you have to do "

She walks out the bathroom , but saying something

" cut down on the pasta " . I guess Cassidy was right , I was fat and the only way for Austin to notice me is to change myself into a beautiful sexy person .

* * *

_6:59 AM _

I started doing things ... I walked into my bathroom and traced the outline of my scars ... One by one

I would count them and flashbacks would run into my head .

_7:00 AM_

He would be in my head , I would wake up at the middle of the night screaming his name at the top of my lungs even if I would crack my voice .

But he never came ..

* * *

_" here's to the night "_

Walking to school , the same routine .

* * *

As I was walking home I noticed him on his guitar sitting on the porch , I missed him . I was praying so hard not to cry while walking and try to not let him notice me .

One by one I felt the music wash away my thoughts , but tears came slipping down my cheeks . this is where he left me crying on my knees ,

Where he told me he didn't love anymore , where I couldn't breathe . the high way I prayed for him to come back , but the night ...

He never looked back .

* * *

I was walking silently and slowly , I could feel his eyes on me . I finally turned around and told him something that I wanted to know .

" why..."

And with that I left , never looking back .

* * *

_120_

i walked on a weight scale , I weighed myself and it said 120 pounds

' its too much " , I whispers to myself while falling to the ground sobbing my eyes out .

* * *

_" Its fine" _

The next day at school , she walked into her class and saw him , but also saw he best friends Trish hanging out with the populate with Austin .

It was easy for them to leave , very easy . For me I didn't care that they left me , it was fine for them and me .

Deep down I knew it wasn't okay .

* * *

_" Popping pills in my mouth" _

I was sitting on the ground by a tree after school , with my gray sweater over my body .

" hey Ally , I didn't get the problem number 7 on that math worksheet " , Marcy comes by and asks

me.

She looks at me

" hey its warm outside , why are you wearing a sweater "? I looked at her and answered 3 words

" I'm just cold " , but my mind inside my head answered _I don't want you to see my scars . _

* * *

_" She still wakes up in the middle of the night _

_Crying his name out _

_Missing him ... Her heart still aches for him " _

" Austin...Au...Austin " , I feel tears start to slip down my bruised cheeks , I got up from my bed and start sobbing his name , missing him so much my heart aches .

" why...w..why.." , I whispered to myself

I still missed him , I don't think I can ever let go ...

* * *

_112_

I weighed myself before I went to school that day . I weighed 112 pounds , I only lost 8 pounds . it wasn't enough ...

It never was .

_"And all of the sudden_

_I felt like_

_The world drained me , for everything I had "_

I embarrassed myself again in front of Austin , I was a stupid idiot .

" watch were the fuck your going Dawson ! " , Cassidy said at me while pushing me on the ground . I didn't let this tears fall .

" oh my ... You lost a little bit of weight , don't worry honey you'll get there " , she smirked at me and left in class , the tardy bell already rang , so I just got up and left the school doors .

I felt like I was sucked in the world .

* * *

_"So ... What am I supposed to say ,_

_When I'm all choked up_

_And your okay .. "_

I can't believe I knocked on the door , and his mom opened the door

" Ally " , she smiled at me and hugged me , I did need a hug , I thought to myself

" Hi Mrs. Moon " , i told her and returned the hug . She said me down and talked to me aaboutwhy me and Austin aren't friends anymore

I didn't answer her questions. She told me I could go to Austin's room , she told m he wrote a song. I walked slowly up to his room , feeling a little dizzy , so I held on the railing .

As , I walked into his room , I felt like crying ... I looked at his pictures , they were of him and his family , trih and dez , but what really hurt my heart

They're weren't pictures of me ... Or us .

" what were you doing in my room ? " , I heard his voice .. His strong void that I loved and still love . I turn around and meet his face .

" I'm sorry ... your mom let me in ,I'll just go " , I told him and I walks out , I thought he would run after me ,

He didn't . I ran with tears in my eyes

" Ally sweetie , are you okay ? " , Mrs. Moon walks over to me as she saw the tears down my cheeks .

I left out the doors .

* * *

That night I cried all my tears , in a silent way . I made two more cuts on my wrists and thighs .

I skipped lunch and dinner .

I was all alone in this house , my dad left me and my mom well she committed suicide when I was a little girl .

Every night I would cry , I remember my mom sing me a lullaby

_Sing me to sleep_

_Say you'll be my Nightingale_

Now , I couldn't even sing it without crying . I therw up today , holding my stomach while not trying to faint .

* * *

Trish , Dez , Austin , and me where in groups for science . they all looked better and happier , I tried to fake a smile at them , so hard not trying to feel that pain in my heart.

I didn't talk to them , but Trish asked me a question today , that I always wanted to hear .

" Ally , are ..you okay ? " , but the only words I said was

" I'm fine " .

* * *

I was working on the science experiment , I was getting supplies , when I walks back to my table , j felt my knees get weak and my head started to spin . My hands started shaking , so nobody noticed so I sat down on the floor Holding my stomach .

The bell rang and I thought one of them would try to find me ,but they got up . the teacher wasn't there .. So I got up and went to the bathroom .. I threw up.

* * *

"What do I say when tears are freaking down my face and the one that means the most , didn't show "

It was my 17th birthday and I was alone ... I look at the cupcake on the plate , I don't bother to eat it , So I just put it away .

I took a deep breath and suddenly the tears stream down my face ... I thought he would be here ... I fell to the ground and sobbed ...

"I thought he'd be here " , I whispered to myself.

* * *

_" You left me at the edge of the cliff "_

The next day .. I walked back home passing his street , I really wanted to ask him why he didn't show up?

No...

Maybe...

I felt myself walking slowly over there and I looked up and he was on the porch playing his guitar .

" hey ..a..Austin " , I told him in a shaky voice and he looked at me with those hazel eyes , oh how I missed his eyes .

" what do you want " , he snapped at me , I guess I annoyed him while he busing playing his guitar .

" um..yesterday was my birthday and I thought.. Well..you would've been there ? " , I told him

" well I wasn't ok " , he replied

" why? " , I asked him

" cause you annoy me so much , plus there was a party yesterday , so I went " , he told me and the first words pinched my heart .

" ... " , I was silent while staring at the ground . I felt so small , I annoyed him ... Maybe that's why he left .

" I'm sorry Austin... I'll go " , I told him and walked away slowly to my lonely house .

* * *

As , I got to my house . I shut the door and slid down on it crying .

" he left me at the edge " , I whispered to myself .

* * *

_109_

I weighed myself in the morning ... 109 pounds , it wasn't good enough .

* * *

" And when I hit the floor , will you be there for me "

In the morning my legs felt wobbly And I felt to the ground , but soon I got back up and left for school .

* * *

I found out he got a girlfriend ... Cassidy . I felt like my heart broke when I heard the news . the wwere walking Hand in hand , it crashed my heart when I saw him kiss her .

I mean , she was very beautiful and I wasn't . she was skinny and I wasn't . she wasn't annoying to him , I was

she was special ... I was nothing . I understood why he would pick her .

* * *

_" I'm broken "_

I was walking .. I didn't hear music ... I stopped in my tracks and watched , I saw the guitar .. I wanted to play some music on it ... But I couldn't.

The door opened and I saw Mrs. Moon smile a sad smile at me

" Ally dear , you can come in " , she told me

" no its fine , I better get going " , I told her and she said something to me

" Ally are you okay dear " , she whispered and I looked at her she had tears running down her face

" I'm fine , why wouldn't I be ? " , I told her

" Ally what are you doing to yourself , your hurting yourself " , she told me

" I promise I'm okay , you don't need to worry about me " , I told her and I left home .

I found out I wasn't ok .

* * *

_90_

I weighed myself today again ... I'm at 90 pounds , its still no enough . I put on a baggy sweater over my myself today covering my cuts , brusies , and scars .

* * *

_Its time_

I didn't know why happens today at school .. I broke down in front of the class and felltl the ground . everybody looked at me ... Austin looked at me and Cassidy gave me a smirk , and she walked by me and whispered in my ear

" your there " and she left with Austin . I ran out of the class and ran out the doors of the school passing Austin's house .

I broke down on the side walk screaming and crying

" Why mom , why did you leave me , why .. You said this was going to be easy , you always by my side , why aren't you by side now , why ..." ,

I saw com out the door crying and running over to me ,

" Ally honey , its okay " , she whispered while choking on her tears

" it's not okay

, I don't have anybody that cares about me , why did she leave me , why did she , why did she leave me when I needs her at the most ! " ,

I heard footsteps closer to us and I saw Austin looking at me , I couldn't handle it anymore , I got up and started running .

I heard screams callingm name , but I kept running ...

* * *

I came by the dock and saw the water down .

Silence all we heard were the breathing of hope in air , but it was silent . How did I get here so fast and how did everything fall apart , how did it get late so soon.

The beach waves crash like a screaming wailing , I'm holding on the edge .

My mind so full of thoughts and the pain in my heart , how can a heart feel so shattered. Take a deep breathe and say a prayer... Sometimes it helps .

But all I thought was

Jump. I got on top of the railing while holding on the edge and I has tears coming down my cheeks , my vision blurred ...

I was getting ready to jump when. I heard voices

" Ally ! "

I turned my head towards the noise , it was Austin and his mom ,

" oh my god " , she said while grabbing her phone and calling someone ... I turned around to the water the wind slowly blew in my face and whispered to me

" its time to let go " I took one last deep breath

" Ally please don't think about it " , Austin said while coming closer

" So , now you talk to me Austin , why now , when I'm ready to let all of this go , I needed you Austin ! You weren't there .. I needed you the most ... I was lost .. I was brusied Austin ! I was heart broken .. I was fucking broken and you left me at the edge , and now your going to seem me jump to the Edge!"

" Ally please I needed you too , its just ...commplicated and its not easy " , he said

" was it easy to not com to my birthday ... Was it easy to leave me that night , it pretty sure it was easy for you " , I told him

" Ally please , don't do it ... please ...Ally..I..lo..love...you " , he had tears come down his cheeks

" No Austin ... It's.. too..late " , I told him and he came to me , I heard noises comes it was the police ...

I looked in the water and I looked back at Austin while tears came down my cheeks

" I'm sorry..Austin, goodbye " , I told him .

I jumped ...

* * *

_In slow motion_

_I closed my eyes and waited for the impact of the wafer to drown me , but_

_I didn't feel it ..._

_I felt someone body holding me in there arms ._

* * *

I opened my eyes and I saw a crying Austin , I looked at crying ,

" she's okay guys " , I saw one off the police guards say to his guys.

* * *

Austin caught me from falling ..

I lifted up Austin's head

And he looked at me with tears in his eyes

In that moment

I missed him ... In my arms ..

I noticed something on Austin's wrist

A scar ...

" I missed you Ally , ..so much " , he told me

He had scars

...

We both had scars ...

...

We both were hurting ...

...

He kissed me passiontly and gentle ...

* * *

I knew everything was ok .

He held my hand

" okay " , he said to me while looking in my eyes

Maybe okay will be our always

" _okay_ " , I said .

* * *

**fin.**


End file.
